While scrolling the ARC site, I saw a pair of familiar faces and immediately added it to my TBR pile. Kim and Penn Holderness are pretty well known for their goofy parody videos, so I was surprised their faces were under the self-help/ relationship genre banner instead of humor.

Everybody Fights, So Why Not Get Better At It is worth the pick up, even if you aren’t a fan of their corny puns and dances, or if you aren’t married. I got to talk to them about the book, so I’ll start with a couple of clarifications. First, and this is something they stressed in the book as well as in our conversation, this is meant for people who are on the right track but need a little help, not those who are on the brink of divorce or experiencing abuse. Kim and Penn recommend getting help from trained professionals in those situations. Second, Kim said, “A fight is does not mean flipping tables. That does not mean cussing and yelling. A good fight is just a good conversation, where each partner feels seen and feels heard.”

With that being said, I really enjoyed the format of this one. Each chapter focuses on one fight, with Penn and Kim detailing their sides of the story. Kim says these are examples of the most common marital fights, including: “I do everything, you do nothing. We’re not having enough sex. You’re spending too much money, like all of these kind of fights.” Then, they break it down even further with the help of their therapist to explore root causes and share tools for handling similar situations yourself.

Penn calls it a “textbook”, but don’t let that fool you. These guys expertly weave humor through a more serious topic. It’s honest and genuine, but also practical and wise.

The timing on this also worked out well, since we’re in the middle of a pandemic that forced couples to spend a lot more time together in a stressful situation. They gave a real example of this during our conversation (my favorite moment), when Kim mentioned they were almost late because Penn was eating an apple.

The pandemic forced them to explore the feelings behind why she didn’t like his eating. Penn grabbed an apple and took a bite. “But once we started talking about it and using the right language like we do in the book, she talks about how this makes her feel, not how bad I suck because I’m doing it. She explained to me that she has, like, a visceral reaction when I talk with my mouth open want to take a bite of an apple.” Meanwhile, Kim was falling over on the couch, horrified. That’s the kind of hilarious transparency you’ll find in this book.

While Everybody Fights, So Why Not Get Better At It focuses on their experience as a married couple, it carries relevance for those of us who aren’t legally bound to someone. “I think it could be people who work together, and I mean, we work together and our work situation has improved since we’ve communicated better with each other,” Penn said. “The way we talked to our kids has gotten better. We’ve learned how to talk to them better and teach them some tools on how to be an active listener, so I think it could work for anyone who has a relationship with anyone, which is everyone.”

So, there you have it, straight from Penn. This one is for everyone.

I give it five stars (and jazz hands) for its blend of humor, research, and practical wisdom. Order your copy here.